Story Time: Letter to a Lost Love

Sometimes, when I'm driving, I pass this tree. I call it the shoe tree because over the years, people have tied their shoes together and tossed them up into it. They say that people do that to signify the end of one thing and the beginning of another. For me, it was the beginning of us. It is the precise place that I was the first time that you texted me. I remember it like it was yesterday. I glanced down at my phone, surprised to see your name there. You had never texted or called me, even though we had exchanged numbers. I wanted to text you back, to answer the very serious question that you had asked me but there just wasn't any way to do it while driving. I suggested that you call, but you never did. Yet somehow, it was still the start of us.

I will never forget sitting in a hotel lobby, your texts keeping me company as we joked about how quickly we had climbed from zero to over a thousand and counting. You said we would do something to celebrate it as soon as we were together. It was such a silly thing to celebrate but silly was so much a part of us, that it just seemed right.

We never did celebrate that achievement. Instead, us meeting took us to entirely different levels. It was amazing and somehow, it just felt right. I've never experienced anything like it before. The truth is, I've never experienced anything like us before. I've never had that sense of intimacy and belonging with anyone. I've never had that feeling of total acceptance, love and joy. We had that together and it was the most glorious thing I have ever experienced.

I will never forget that feeling. Even though I know that I will never experience it again, I will never forget it. I will hold it in my heart, even when it threatens to tear me apart. Experiences like that change a person's life and you changed mine. Sometimes, when I think back on what we had together, it's like my heart is being torn apart. No, not torn apart. It's like the memory has exploded into shards of metal that are forcing their way from the inside out. Yet still, I will never let go of how we were together and how you made me feel.

With you, I always felt beautiful. You showed me joy. You showed me what it was like to totally relax and "just be" with someone. We were silly and we were serious.  We would talk for entire days and it feel like mere minutes had passed. I was your smile and you were my strength. Together, we were an incredible team. People said we lit up the room when we were together. We made others smile with our love and infectious laughter.

Then suddenly, everything changed. The phone calls stopped. The affection stopped. You suddenly shut me out of your life. Suddenly, I went from being your best friend, lover and confidant to being nobody. I've spent weeks, nearly months now trying to figure out what I did wrong. I've spent so many hours crying that perhaps it's gone into days now.

Sometimes late at night, I dream of you. When I close my eyes, I pray that I won't but always, there you are. You're just as you were when we first met. My hand still fits perfectly in yours and your voice still whispers the words that helped me to fall in love with you. My knowing mind rebels, trying to force me from my sleep but you hold me there. I'm bound by what we once were, forced to live out the dreams of what we could have been.

I wonder if you ever dream of me or if I'm not even worthy of the memory of what we were.  Sometimes I wish that I could forget. I sit and wonder what my life would be like now if we had never met; if you had never sent that text. Would I be a stronger person? Of course, there's no way of knowing.  Deep down, I know that I would never wipe away those memories if given the option. You showed me what it was like to live again. You showed me that real love can exist. 

I should go though. I know that while you've promised in the past to always read what I write, this letter is best meant for the trash can. For you to read it would be me opening myself up to even more pain. I don't know why you don't love me anymore, but reliving it with this letter won't help. The truth is, I don't think that I will ever fully heal from this. Someday, I will hear that you've found someone new and that you're in love. When that day comes, I know that my heart, no matter how healed will shatter into a million pieces. Until then, it will have a hole where your love used to live.

My love...the love that I have lost, I have but one wish for you. It is not for pain or even that someday you look back and see what so many others saw when they saw us. It is just for love. I hope that someday you love yourself enough to see how amazing you really can be. I hope that you find someone who loves you as much as I did and as much as I always will. You have great capacity for love and I hope that someday you use it for good and not as something to dangle in front of others and then snatch back when you realize you're becoming emotionally invested.

For now though, I leave you to live your life. There is no longer an us. We are again two lonely, heart hurting individuals who must now journey through life apart.  For me, though, I realize that I no longer wish to carry on alone. So, this is my goodbye. This is my final letter, my final song. Tonight, when the stars are out, I will do what I once told you that I longed to do. I will join the stars. I know I said someday my heart will shatter, but I realize now that it already has and I cannot put it back together.

You asked me not so long ago if I thought we could be close again. The truth is no. For that to happen, you would have to want it. Your actions scream that you don't. You've moved on and forgotten me and forgotten us. I am a nobody to you and so tonight, I will join the stars in their nightly vigil. I will fly high into the sky and watch over you until someone else comes along who can take care of you and love you. When that day comes, I will fall from the sky and be gone forever.

So, goodbye my love. Goodbye, the one person who I gave my everything to. You will never understand just how special that was. You were the one and only person in my entire life that I opened all the way up for and who I gave all of myself to. Tonight, I take back what I can. I take back my life the only way I know how.

Goodbye my lover, my best friend, my everything...and remember..tonight, when you glance up at the stars, remember that there is a new one there and maybe think of me.

Yours in life and in spirit.

K

Story Time: After Hours

Reaching over, she pressed the keys that would start the shutdown process on her computer. It had been a busy day at the office and she was more than ready to shut everything down and go home. She had made very simple plans for the evening. She was going to go home, put on her pajamas, warm up some of the leftover pasta she had made the night before, curl up on the couch and watch a movie. Yep, she had big plans alright and she was more than ready to get to them.

Standing up, she stretched and headed for the closet where she'd hung her jacket this morning. That's when she noticed that his office light was still on. She grumbled to herself as she opened the door and let herself into his office. He always seemed to be forgetting to turn something off and expected her to handle it for him. She was just reaching for the light switch when her eyes landed on his desk. Merciful heavens, it was a mess. How that man was going to find anything the next morning was beyond her.

Quickly, she walked over to the desk, the sound of her heels muffled in the thick carpet. Shaking her head, she efficiently tidied his desk. She had no idea that her skirt was riding up the backs of her thighs as she bent over to fetch that last pencil which had somehow wedged itself back where the desk met the wall. She had no idea that as she was straightening and organizing, he had come in behind her and stood there silently watching.

She had no idea until she felt his hands rest on her hips. Gasping, she turned in his arms, sighing with relief when she saw who it was. They had worked together long enough that she knew she had nothing to fear when it came to him. That was, until she looked up into his eyes and saw that for the first time ever, they weren't smiling down at her. They were serious, as serious as the strong hands gripping her hips. He still hadn't let go. He held her trapped between him and the edge of the desk.

She squirmed a bit, unsure of what she should do. She'd been attracted to him for months but never in that time had he shown any interest in her. He had always been entirely professional, much to her frequent chagrin and annoyance. This could be her chance, but was she brave enough to do what she'd wanted to do for ages? If she tried and it worked, it could be amazing. If she tried and he rejected her, she'd be looking for a new job in the morning instead of coming back to one that she loved.

She looked up at him again, noticing how his eyes seemed to be devouring her. Still unsure she broke eye contact, leaning back against the desk, unaware that her breathing had grown ragged or that the way she stood had caused her shirt to pull tight across her chest. He noticed though. He was like a dog trained for hunting. He could practically smell her excitement and it in turn excited him. He had been watching her for months, hoping that the right opportunity would come along and it seemed it had.

Gently, so as to not startle her, he lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers. Neither one of them were prepared for the jolt that they both felt. Startled, they  pulled away from each other. Her eyes were large as they looked up into his and of its own accord, her hand came up to rest against the white of his shirt. She could feel his heart beating against her fingers. She smiled shyly up at him, her hand sliding from his chest up to his shoulder as she raised herself up on her toes to press her lips against his again.

When they both came up for air, they were both breathing heavily. In one smooth movement, he again placed his hands on her hips but this time, he lifted her up so that she was sitting on the edge of his desk.  Her skirt rode up but after that kiss, she no longer cared. Somehow she just knew that this wasn't going to stop with a few kisses.

Drawing her close to him, he hungrily kissed her again. His hands slid up and released her long hair from the clip that she had used to keep it out of her face as she worked.  The soft strands fell down into long spiraling curls that wrapped around his fingers as he buried them again in her hair.  He broke the kiss, but only long enough to work his way to the softness of her throat.  Once there, his lips nibbled as his tongue teased against her pulse points. Soon, she was panting, her hands clutching the edge of the desk.

Stepping back, he looked down at her. She was so beautiful, her long hair cascading down her back. He knew that they were both at a point where he could have her right there on the desk, but he wanted more. He wanted her upstairs in his bed. Reaching out, he took her hand into his and led her out of the office to the private elevator that he used to access his apartment.

The doors slid closed behind them with a gentle whoosh. The second they closed, he pressed her close to the elevator wall and took her in his arms. His mouth hungrily devoured hers or it would have if she hadn't been kissing him back just as eagerly. His hands moved down, tugging her blouse from the skirt that she wore. Too soon the doors opened and with a low curse, he led her into his private domain.

By now, they were both tugging at the other's clothes and then at their own. Their progress down the hall was marked by a trail of clothing, both his and hers. He considered taking her to his bedroom but realized that it was too far away. They would just never make it. Instead, he led her into the office that he kept up here in the apartment. Once again, he lifted her up onto the edge of a desk, his mouth feasting on hers. 

Stepping back only long enough to rid himself of his dress slacks, he looked at her. She was leaned back over the desk, her chest rising and falling as she struggled to regain some control of her body. She was dressed only in a lacy black bra, matching panties and garters that led to smooth silk stockings that encased her legs. It took all he had in him not to step back over and ravage her beautiful body, but he resisted. Instead, he stepped in front of her and ran his hand up one stocking clad leg and then the other. He felt her shudder as the soft fabric carried the heat of his hand to her bare skin underneath.

She started to rise, but with his free hand, he pressed her back against the desk. He wanted to see her creamy skin against the dark polish of the wood. He wanted to see her  here like this like he had dreamed about for so many nights.  He ran his hand down over her bare skin, smiling as he felt the answering tremble deep inside of her. She had thought about this too. Somehow he knew that she had. Sliding his hand down, he brushed it over her panties. They were black, just like her bra and he loved how they stood out against her skin. She might dress demurely during the day but now that he knew what she wore under those clothes, he would never be able to look at her simple blouses the same way again. He would always remember what was beneath them.

Bending over, he pressed his lips to the space between her breasts before dragging his tongue down. He worshipped her bare skin with his mouth, one hand reaching up to take her wrists in his hand.  Standing again, he pressed a soft kiss to the inside of each wrist, her shudder being mimicked in his body as he felt the way that her pulse raced against his lips.

He knew that they had moved fast, but looking down at her trembling body, he knew that they were both at a crossroads. They could continue this or they could both walk away. Once this was done, there would be no turning back. He slowly released her and stood silently, his hands caressing the tops of her thighs until his silence caused her to look up at him.  He didn't have to ask. Without a word, she wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him in tight against her. She reached down and picked up one of his hands, bringing it to her soft lips and almost tenderly, she pressed a kiss to each of his fingertips before laying back once again on the desk.

Smiling down, he reached forward to trail just his fingertips down her neck before caressing down over her shoulders. Slowly, lingeringly, they brushed down her arm until he reached her soft hand. This he brought to his own mouth, nibbling and sucking gently on each finger before slowly releasing it and repeating the process down over her other arm and hand. He watched as her breath quickened. Her eyes were locked onto his. Together they were weaving a slow spell of seduction, a change from the desperate speed of just moments before.

Leaning forward again, he pressed a series of soft kisses along her shoulders, only pausing to slowly push the straps of her bra down over her arms, not removing it, but merely revealing the soft skin that the straps had hidden from his mouth. His mouth was firm and yet so soft and warm against her bare skin. As he worked his way over her shoulder and to the top of her chest, she sighed in delight. Her hands came up to caress over the tops of his shoulders. His body was so unlike hers. Where hers was soft, his was hard. Yet, his skin was silky smooth and she delighted in touching him while his lips worked across the top of her chest, slowly pressing her bra further down.

Slowly, her upper body was fully revealed to him and he groaned as his lips finally found one nipple and then the other. He could feel her pulse start to race again but he continued his slow progress over her body. As badly as he had wanted her before, now he wanted to just make this last. His hands and mouth worked their way down her body, tasting and nibbling and pressing lingering kisses. It may have been minutes or it may have been hours, time was lost to them as they explored each other. As he reached the top of her legs, he stood again and she raised herself up so that she could run her hands down the smoothness of his chest. 

Gathering her close, he kissed her with all of the built up hunger that they had grown between them.

Though their lips and tongues were caught up in each other, he felt the sweet moan leave her mouth and enter his. Wrapping his arms around her, he lifted her from the desk and carried her to the long leather sofa that took up one wall of the office. The leather felt cool against her heated skin and she shivered despite being on fire inside.

He knelt between her legs and pressed a soft kiss, first to her belly and then down to her inner thigh. He could smell her desire and it made him groan out loud. Taking the top of her lacy panties, he guided them down her legs to fall on the floor beside them.  Once again, he slid his hands up her stocking covered legs, groaning at their smoothness as he raised himself up again. His eyes met hers as he slid between her legs. Without a word, she wrapped her legs around his hips, guiding him closer.  They both groaned as his hard cock slowly pressed between the lips of her sex. Suddenly neither of them had any patience for the games that they had been playing. Their bodies were hungry for each other and with a low growl, he plunged deep inside her.

His hands came down to brace on either side of her head and her soft hands wrapped around his wrists, providing them both support as their bodies moved in frantic desire. This was no longer sweet, no longer tender. It was animalistic. It was primal. It was two beings desperate in the urge to mate. His cock plunged in and out at a frantic pace, her legs wrapped tight around him urging him harder and deeper inside. Together they raced to that mythical edge where the entire world stops and when the explosion came, silence suddenly reigned within the room quickly to be replaced by the ragged breathing of two people who had just seen the sun, the stars and the universe in all their glory.

Slowly she opened eyes that she hadn't been aware had been closed. Lifting a trembling hand, she brushed a curl of his dark hair back off his forehead. Capturing her wrist in his hand, he brought it again to his lips, this time to press a tender kiss to the soft inner skin before wrapping her in his arms and snuggling down on the couch with her. Neither quite knew what would happen tomorrow, but for tonight, there was more work to do....

Story Time: Alone

It'd been yet another in a string of long days and as she stepped into the house, her only thought was, "Now what? Another night alone? I'm not sure I can do this."

Stepping into her bedroom, she slowly stripped down until she was wearing nothing more than her bra and panties. She'd bought them with someone in mind and glancing down, it was his face, his body that sprang to the front of her brain. For a moment, her eyes were sad, remembering how they'd gone from an amazing time together to barely speaking in such a short time. Not a day had gone by without her thinking about how it had felt to have her hand tucked into his or to have his hands touching her. They had been so good together and now that they had been separated, those memories were all she had.

She curled up on the bed, closing her eyes. She had done this so often lately. She had curled up on her bed, tears streaming down her face as she remembered their time together and how almost immediately after, he had pulled back. Today, however, was different. Today, she only wanted to remember the feel of his hands and the sound of his voice. Before they'd ever come together in person, they had spent weeks winding each other up and listening to the sounds that they both made together. It was in this dreamland that she found herself caught as she laid on the bed, the wind from outside her window caressing across her near naked body.

Her hands wandered of their own accord as she thought back over the times they had shared together on the phone. In her mind, she could see him there, lying on the couch like he had so many times. She could see his hand wandering over his own body. A soft whimper escaped her lips as her memories merged and she remembered the feeling of his lips on her breasts, teasing and sucking her nipples. She could feel his hair beneath her fingers as she buried her hands in its depths.

A single tear rolled down her cheek as her own hand slid down between her legs, separating the smooth lips below. In her head, she heard his moans as he slid inside of her. Her back arched and her legs parted as she slid her soft fingers over her sex. In her mind, it was him. It was his body pressed up against hers and his manhood sliding deep inside of her. She could hear his voice as her body moved beneath her hands. In what seemed like mere moments, she was lost in the fantasy. Her bedroom, her bed, none of it existed. In her mind, she only saw him and the places that they had been together. In his arms, she had found heaven and it was that feeling that she desperately drove herself towards again.

Her fingers dipped down, rubbing and pressing against her clit as her soft moans filled the air. She could feel him, the weight of his body pressed against hers as he teased her. He had slid deep inside and sat there, waiting, staring down into her desire glazed eyes. It felt as real now as when it had happened then. Her hips rose of their own accord, wanting more than just the teasing of her fingers. Her body craved his and still lost in the dream, her fingers slid further down until her body was impaled upon them.

This is what he had done to her. He had impaled her body with his own, joining them together. In that moment, time had stilled and something had shifted inside of her. A bond had been forged and a piece of her would always belong to him. It was that piece that now called out for him, his name whispered frantically like the beat of a tribal drum. It was that piece that kept her buried in the fantasy as her body trembled and shuddered beneath her own hands. It was that piece that flung her over the edge of the dark abyss, leaving her body lying broken and shattered as her heart beat frantically within the confines of her chest. It was that piece, temporarily sated that pulled her down into sleep where the rest of her could start to heal.